I'm Not Giving Up on Mississippi

The conversations we're having lately make me think I'm living in the Jim Crow-era instead of 2015.  The latest revolves around the Confederate flag, or more specifically, the battle flag we refer to as the Confederate flag.  Following the shooting in South Carolina, many began to campaign for the removal of this flag from government sites.  Mississippi was soon brought into the conversation, as its state flag contains the "Rebel flag" in its canton.

Mississippi has a very complicated history and a terrible image.  We're known for being the worst in everything:  poorest, fattest, least educated, most miserable bunch of people in the country.  And while there are a lot of things we get right (writers, musicians, charity, medicine, athletes, etc.), the bad unfortunately outweighs the good.  Too many times, I've been outside of our beloved Southeast and had my accent give me away.  This accent draws people in like flies to honey.  People are fascinated by it and always ask where I'm from, guessing Texas and South Carolina.  I used to proudly say, "No, I'm from Mississippi!"  However as I get older, that prideful exclamation has turned into a sheepish, "No... I'm from, um, Mississippi."  The novel enthusiasm over meeting someone from the South quickly drains from the face of my new friend.  Sometimes he or she will reply with a simple "Oh."  Other times it's "I've driven through there before... beautiful place...."  I've even gotten "I'm sorry" once or twice.

Mississippians feel so much pride for our state.  We have to.  We're the underdog in this country.  No one but us thinks positively about this place.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of where you come from, but a lot of times I've wanted to hide in shame of this state.

I've longed to be able to drop my accent; to not hear the silence on the other end of a phone call with anyone above the Mason-Dixon; to not be automatically labelled as backwards, stupid, and poor; to not have to see that look of sympathy on a person's face when he/she discovers my home state; to no longer feel like the disappointment of America, the skeleton in the closet that no one wants to talk about; to no longer hear "Thank God for Mississippi."  Sometimes I want to run away and surround myself with like-minded people and forget that I was ever a part of this place.

Then I remember:  this is exactly what those before me and around me have done.  This is what the expats have done, leaving out of frustration with a never-changing people.  This is what many who still live here have done, growing defensive and stagnate, retreating further into themselves.  Mississippians have segregated ourselves  from the problems;  we pretend that they don't exist.  "We're just being picked on."  "Mississippi isn't such a bad place to live."  "The media only focuses on the history."  While these things may all be true, that history isn't staying in the past and those statistics they spout off aren't unfounded.  Mississippi isn't giving anyone any reason to see the good in us.  We've come kicking and screaming into the present, not wanting to give up the "good ole days."  We pitch a hissy fit (that's a technical term) at the mention of change.  I do not understand the desire of those in our state who do not want to progress.

I think a lot of these attitudes may come from an ignorance of the world.  Many never leave the safety or "bubble" of their community.  They do not educate themselves on the world outside their own.  They are kind, honest, hard-working people, but they are naive.  They are skeptical of anything that challenges what they've been taught and believed for so many years.  They've never experienced the gut-punch reaction from someone who feels sorry for you because you grew up here.  They've never longed to "get out."  They've never had an open conversation with someone who felt differently about a topic.  They've never done the research on a highly debated topic for themselves.

I used to be like this.  Before I graduated high school, I had never been west of the Mississippi or north of the Mason-Dixon.  I had exactly one black friend.  The only science I was ever taught was tainted with skepticism, and FOX News's word was as good as God's.  I remember arguing in a freshman college course that racism didn't exist anymore.  I signed petitions to keep Colonel Rebel as a school symbol and didn't think twice about the Confederate flag.  I didn't realize how these things made some of my fellow Mississippians feel and how they made our beloved state look to outsiders.  I slowly began the climb over the fence.  I educated myself; I devoured information and formed my own opinions on topics.  I began to meet and interact with people who were different from me.  I put myself in uncomfortable situations in order to challenge my beliefs and ideals.

I encourage my fellow Mississippians to do the same.  Pick an issue and gather reliable information from both sides of the debate:  facts, not opinions.  Have a conversation with someone who feels differently than you do about a topic.  Get out and see the world.  Get your news from multiple sources in an effort to weed out bias.  Separate yourself from everything you know once in a while.  If after doing all these things, you still hold the same opinion you did before you began, think about how that opinion affects our state.  Does it represent our residents as a whole?  Should it represent us on the national and international level?  Will it bring industry, advancement, travel, etc to Mississippi?

Mississippi is a great place, but we're content.  I sometimes feel that we have let the negative statistics define us.  We've accepted them, embraced them, adopted them, worn them as a badge.  It doesn't have to be that way.  There are those of us who want more this place.  Let's work together to advance the image or our state instead of against each other.  Don't give up on yourself, Mississippi;  we're the only ones fighting for us.

Reducing Out Eating Out Budget: Week 2

Remember from this post that we are trying to reduce the amount of times we go out to eat this week?  Well week 2 was just as successful as Week 1!  I'm very excited about how well we're doing.  Let's post the calendar.

Thursday night, Drew and I went to see Jurassic World.  (It was a super awesome movie, by the way!  Go see it if you haven't already.)  Since we had the wedding that weekend, we went ahead and made plans to go out for dinner before the movie.  We grabbed Chick-fil-a in the mall.  Yum.

Friday, we did our usual routine of going out for lunch.  We had the wedding rehearsal dinner Friday night.  Saturday, I had to be at the wedding venue pretty early in the day.  All of the bridesmaids had agreed to bring food to snack on, and I chose to bring a hometown delicacy - slug burgers.  I haven't had one in sooo long!  So I ate some of those for lunch.  Drew showed a little more restraint and ate a pizza at home.

After a long wedding-weekend, we decided to go to lunch after church.  Dinner Sunday night was had at a couples shower for some sweet friends at church.

Like I said, I feel pretty good about how things are going.  We're on target to reduce our spending by about 1/3!  I'm ok with that.  :)

Reducing Our Eating Out Budget: Week 1

Our goal for June is to reduce how much money we spend on dining out.  We're not targeting a specific amount of money; we're targeting a number of times to go out.  After a few months of this, I think we'll be able to determine a new budget.

Over the past 6 months, we've averaged spending 9% of our monthly income on going out.  For us, we felt like that was too much.  Our new goal is to go out once a week for lunch and once a week for dinner.

Let's see how week 1 went:

Overall, I think we did very well this week.  We each went to lunch once during the work week, and we had one date-night dinner.  Thursday night, I had a work dinner but met up with Drew at a birthday dinner later that night.  So his meal came out of our budget, while mine was made for by my employer.  Sunday, I had a moment of weakness.  It was one of those days that I just did. not. feel like cooking; so we grabbed Mexican for lunch.  Don't worry.   We followed it up with a 14-mile bike ride to burn off some of the calories.  :)

This upcoming week will be an interesting one for our new goal.  I'm in a wedding Saturday, so we'll be out of town Friday night and most of the day Saturday.  Then Dew's parents are joining us for church Sunday morning, followed by co-hosting a bridal shower for some friends that afternoon.  It'll be a busy weekend, but I'm positive we can do it!

When Was the Last Time I Used My Kitchen???

Source

So in this post, I mentioned that we are trying to reduce our spending in several different categories.  The very first one I saw that had an opportunity for improvement was our eating out budget.

We go out to eat a lot.  One or two times a week for lunch, two or three times for dinner.  That adds up to a whopping 9% of our monthly spending.  That's more than my car payment.  Pretty ridiculous, right?

So how exactly do we go about reducing this spending?  Going out to dinner is so convenient and our "date" of choice.

We plan to limit our dining out to lunch one day a week and dinner one day a week.  We'll cook new recipes and get creative with dates.  I'll also keep some easy meals and hopefully make up a few freezer meals too.  Each week, I'll check in to share how we did.   Wish us luck!

Let's Talk About ... Money

Several months ago, I met with a representative from the company who handles our 401k at work.  They send someone about once a year to meet with us one-on-one;  we get to ask questions about how we're investing, if we're on the right track for retirement, etc.  During our discussion, I asked her when I could retire. Her answer?  "As early as you want to."  Sure, you can't take money out of your 401k until you're 59.5 without penalty, and you can't receive Social Security benefits until you're around 65.  But there are a lot of other options to help you retire early.

I said, "Ok, I want to retire at 50 then."

I'll be 25 this year, so that's 25 more years of work.  I mentioned this goal to a coworker of mine.  He offered to let me borrow a few of his Dave Ramsey books.  I read each book in just a few days.  Drew and I have very little debt - only the house and my car.  We were very fortunate to escape student loans, and our first few years of marriage taught us the importance of a budget.  We felt like we were ahead of the game and didn't really give it too much more thought.

Then a few weeks ago, I was looking over our budget.  (Drew and I share the MoneyWiz app, in case you're curious.)  I noticed budgets we were continually busting (like eating out) and a catch-all category that things just got lost in (conveniently named "Extra").  While we save plenty, we both feel like we could be saving more.  And what about this retiring in 25 years goal that we had?  What were we doing to reach that?

I began by comparing our current budget and actual spending to two popular methods:  Dave Ramsey and 50/20/30.  The results?  Honestly, we weren't doing too bad.  We were saving more than both methods recommended, and we're "living within our means."  We should pat ourselves on the back, right?

Maybe not.  I started to notice even more what a problem some of our categories had become, like eating out, extra, and bills.  If I could reduce these, couldn't we save even more?

Now I feel like a woman on a mission.  I've retooled our budgets to reflect our actual spending, and my goal is to reduce our spending in a particular category each month.  After staying at these reduced levels for 2 or 3 months, we'll reduce that category's budget.  

Furthermore, I plan to start getting this ball rolling on financial independence and early retirement.  I hope to share this journey with you and that you'll benefit from it.  Here's to saving!

Obligatory Disclaimer:  I'm not here to tell anyone how to spend his or her money.  I feel like we each value different things and will therefore spend more or less on certain things than other people.  How you spend your money is a very personal thing.  Therefore I will most likely not talk "real" numbers and instead use percentages.  I think the most important thing is to know how you spend your money and then decide if you're ok with where it is going.